October 1, 2007

To quickly sum up my year.....Joe died, Dylan broke his thumb, Courtlyn almost died during childbirth, my blood pressure got so high I had to call 911, Courtlyn had meningitis, we had a car accident, and now to top things off Camryn has a broke arm.

She was pushed off a slide at school today. She wasn't pushed down the slide....she was pushed off the top of the slide, straight to the ground. And the slide was approximately 10 feet high. As soon as I picked her up from school we headed to the ER. Her nose was bleeding, her legs hurt so bad the teacher said she could barely walk, her face is all scratched up and bruised, and her arm is broke in two places. She's in a temporary cast right now and we have to go to an orthopedic specialist sometime this week for a permanent one. One of the breaks is called a "greenstick fracture" which means it didn't break all the was through the bone. This will probably require that the doctor break her arm to make it go all the way through the bone. The thought of her going through this makes me want to throw up.

I can not believe she fell 10 feet. I asked her if she was scared while she was falling and she said "momma, I was wishing I had a a parachute" I have not been able to get the image out of my head of her falling.

In all reality I know that I should be thankful that its just a broken arm. It could have been much, much worse.....she could have easliy broke her back or her neck. But right now the broke arm seems bad enough. She has cried nonstop, either because its hurting or because she missed her soccer game, or because she can't do cartwheels, or because she can't draw or write now. Thats the thing that upsets her the most right now. Anyone that knows Camryn knows that all she does is sit at our table and draw....ALL day. Thats all she's done since the day I told her Joe died. And now, with a cast on her right arm, she can't. She honestly doesn't know what to do.

When we were at the hospital she needed to go to the bathroom, and she couldn't get on the potty by herself with her arm hurting so bad. So I had to pick her up and set her on it. Thats when it hit me....the one independent child I have now needs me to do things for her as well. She's the one who helps me carry everything to the car when we leave, she's the one who helps me take care of the other two. What the hell am I going to do now?

So, when you start moping around thinking your life is so bad, just think about mine. Trust me, I would love it if all I had to worry about was some crappy job, or a lazy husband.

I have had numerous people today make comments about if something's going to happen its going to happen to us. And that seems to be very true lately. It has never been like this before, we always lived a pretty uncomplicated life....no drama. But since the day Joe died it seems to have been falling apart nonstop. I talked to a friend tonight on the phone and she told me she prays for me all the time. I couldn't help but respond by telling her "well, its not working....can you pray a little harder?"