October 5, 2007

I've received so many messages and phone calls this week concerning Camryn's arm and the sentencing hearing....if you have tried to contact me and haven't heard back from me yet, I apologize....I'm not trying to be rude, its just been a very busy, very tiring week.

Today was the sentencing hearing for Venton McFadden, who hit Joe. After a two hour drive, 4 hours of tring to keep 3 kids quiet in the courtroom, and several incidences of witnessing that the man is either on drugs or a complete idiot, he was finally sentenced. He received 5 years probation. That's all....no jail time, no suspended licensce, nothing. He can't be caught at a liquor store or a bar for 5 years....that's all.

I was given the opportunity to testify during the hearing, and also to give an impact statement following the sentence, speaking directly to the defendant. The following is what I said:



"On October 27, 2006 my husband left for work at 6am, kissing us all goodbye while we slept. He never came home that night.

I received a phone call at 7:30 that night from Tyler Medical Center. There I stood, 2 months pregnant, with my 4 year old and 22 month old by my side, as I was told that my husband was killed in a car accident.

At that moment, life as we knew it ended. Everything I ever dreamed for my children was gone. Everything I dreamed for myself was gone. And everything my husband had dreamed for all of us was gone.

I was a stay at home mom who was just going through life, doing normal things like planning Halloween costumes and carving pumpkins. And in the blink of an eye I became a single parent, planning a funeral, and applying for social security....barely able to get out of bed to take care of my kids.

My normal pregnancy suddenly became a high risk pregnancy because of the stress levels, the sudden weight loss, and the numerous medications I was put on.

My children's lives were instantly changed also. They went from from being carefree kids living a happy, family-oriented life, to being "the kids with no daddy". At ages 4 and 2 they had to learn to adapt to life without their father, and to a mother who suddenly didn't want to take care of them, a mother who for weeks couldn't quit crying. These babies were thrown into a life they don't deserve. Kids who cry on every holiday bacause they can't buy a present for daddy. Kids who cry on Father's Day because they don't have anyone to say "Happy Father's Day" to. Kids who spend hours planning how to decorate their daddy's grave.

They went from being happy, well-adjusted children, to being children in counseling. Children who scream hysterically if I leave their sight, even to get gas in the car because, in their own words, they're scared I'll die and won't come back.

They were so young when he died that they are already forgetting him. I suspect that my 2 year old will soon have no memory of him at all.

In May I gave birth to our third child. My husband should have been by my side. Instead, I was alone, facing an emergency c-section by myself. This precious, innocent baby will never even have the chance to see her daddy. She will never know first-hand what a great man he was. Sure, I can keep his memory alive by telling my children about him, but my memories can't replace the fact that they won't have their own memories to carry with them.

We have gone from a middle class family to a family who is struggling to live off of social security, barely able to make ends meet. Not knowing from week to week how I'll be able to pay for formula for my 4 month old.

My kids are all so young that its hard to know how the sudden loss of their dad will effect their lives. But I know they will never be the same.

My daughter told me last week that the best day of her life will be the day she dies and goes to heaven to see Jesus and Daddy. She's 5 years old. The best day of her life hould be going to the zoo or to the fair, not the day she dies.

When my baby had meningitis and was admitted to the hospital her daddy should have been there. When my daughter broke her arm she should have been able to find comfort in her daddy's arms. When were involved in a car accident he should have been there to help us. He should be coaching soccer teams, playing with his kids, and rocking his baby. Instead he's been taken from us and our lives will never be the same.

I just hope you have taken a good look at my children's faces, and that they stay etched in your memory forever And that you never forget the pain you have caused us."