August 23, 2007

Its been while since I've read any of the books I ordered right after Joe died, but tonight I pulled one out....

What did I do?
How did I get here?
I don't remember a trial.
Still less do I remember pleading guilty.
Yet here I am.
Serving a life sentence in this prison of grief.
I demand to see a lawyer.
Don't I get at least one phone call?
And let it be to my husband.
If he were here,
He could get me out of this place.
Don't I have the right of appeal?
What happened to my constitutional rights?
Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness?
Do I get credit for good behavior?
What are the possibilities for parole?
One day I was jsut an ordinary person,
Living an ordinary life.
A happy, ordinary life.
The next day, here I am.
I don't belong here, I tell you.
There must be some mistake.
Well, listen to me, Your Honor.
And don't hold me in contempt.
Don't think I'm going to take this quietly.
I'm not. I can't
The work assignments are getting to me.
So much to do without him.
So different from doing things with him.
From the outside it may not look like a prison,
From the outside it looks like everywhere else.
No barbed-wire topped walls.
No guard towers to prevent escape.
They aren't needed. The walls stretch.
When you move, they move,
Always keeping you inside.
Sometimes even from the inside you get confused.
And hurl yourself blindly against the walls,
But the walls stand.
As for the inmates, you meet the nicest people.
Including your family. Your friends.
And there are the prison visitors who come to help hold your pain.
But its still a prison.
Hello, out there....
Is anyone listening?