August 28, 2007

Camryn started dance class today. Its a combination of ballet and tap. She was so excited and looked so precious in her leotard and tights with her hair in a bun, carrying her little dance bag with ballet shoes, tap shoes, and water bottle inside. It was so obvious that she thought she was so grown up. She's the youngest in her class of 5-6 year olds, so it was hilarious to watch her through the window....having NO clue what she was doing! But she loved it, and had fun....and thats what really matters.

Tomorrow night Dylan and Camryn both start AWANA at church. Dylan is super excited about that. Its the first year he's old enough to participate. All he talks about is getting to dress up like Camryn....because they have several "dress-up" nights through the year....clown night, silly slipper night, backwards night, Christmas costume night, etc. I'm excited too, but for totally different reasons.....it means I get one hour a week with just the baby to go grocery shopping! Doesn't seem like much to get excited about I know, but anyone that has three kids as young as mine would understand the headache it causes to take them all shopping.

So we're getting busy around here..... kindergarten, dance, AWANA, and soccer will be starting in a couple of weeks too. I know I'm going to be wore out, but I'm glad to have something to do everyday. I know it will be good for me, and I think it will be good for the kids too. We've sat around this house in our pajamas for exactly 10 months now....only getting out when absolutely necessary. Its time to get out and start living again. I can't continue to do this to the kids, its not fair to them. Its bad enough that they lost their daddy, but ultimately they lost their mother too. Because I haven't been the same since Joe died. I've been here physically, but emotionally and mentally I've been gone. I haven't been here for them like I need to be. It got so bad this summer that I wouldn't get out of the bed until almost noon everyday. Camryn would get up with Dylan in the morning and find them something for breakfast and make their milk. Then she would get them both dressed....even change Dylan's diaper. Then they would proceed to destroy the house, and get into everything imaginable. And when I would finally get up the energy to drag myself out of bed, Dylan would run up to me, give me a hug, and say "thank you for getting up mommy!"

So I know I'm going to be running in circles with everything I'm getting them involved in, and I know I really can't afford for them to do all these things, but ultimately I've decided its a small price to pay for giving us all something to look forward to everyday..... and for gaining our lives back.