February 12, 2007

couples
I got something in the mail that was like someone putting a dagger through my heart. It was addressed to "Tracy and guest". I thought it was junk mail, but I opened it anyway. It was an invitation to a wedding shower....a "couple's" shower. The fact that I'm no longer a couple was just thrown in my face. Granted, I know I was invited out of kindness; its a good friend of Joe's that is getting married. And we would have no doubt been there if Joe was still here. But, it was still hard to see for several reasons.
Being addressed to "Tracy and guest" was probably the the worst part. Again, I'm not just the average single person that might possibly have a date to bring. I'm a widow of only 3 months. The person who I'm a couple with is dead.
I went ahead and ordered them a present and I will make sure it is taken to the shower by someone, but not by me. There's no way I can attend this event. I can't go and pretend that it doesn't bother me to be around a bunch of couples....people who still have the person they are in love with. I should be going with him .
I would never wish the pain I'm in on anyone, but I still can't help but be bitter, and wonder why it had to be him. And why I have to be the one going through this.