February 5, 2007

Since the day after day Joe died I have been looking for two letters. One was written from him to me on Christmas of 1999....our first Christmas that we were married. When he asked me what I wanted that year, I told him all I wanted was for him to write me a "love letter". He laughed and said there was no way. But he did it :) It may have been somewhat forced by me, but he still did it. That was the one and only time he ever wrote to me.....and now I'm so glad I "forced" him to do it! The other one was written to him by me last Valentines Day (2006). I have searched the whole house and garage for them and was finally convinced that they must have been thrown away some how. Well, today I was going through some boxes of kids clothes getting ready to sell them, and in the bottom of one of the boxes I found them.

My dearest Tracy,
At first this was going to be one of the most difficult gifts ever to give. But after a little thought and some paper, it was really easy.
Its so easy to love you; you're beautiful, caring, compassionate, very smart, and no matter how much you don't understand me or my ways, you still love me.
I know you will be happy to receive this, but the real gift here is you. Which I should thank your parents for that.
I had really given up on a lifelong commitment until you came into my life. This is the best Christmas ever, our first together.
Of all I have in my life you are my most cherished, I know I tell you, but do you really know how much I love you?
With you, I feel an equal give and receive of love. Something I've never felt before. Even when we are apart, I feel a need to be with you. That desire can only be love, love for you..
I know we may face difficult times in our relationship, but always remember our greatest Christmas gift to eachother was each other.
I Love You Always, Joe

Joe,
In all the commotion with the kids, I somehow ended up without a card for you. I thought about going to buy today, but I decided to write you instead.
Valentine's Day is just another day to us, but I still wanted to tell you how much I love you. I remember you sending me roses 8 years ago, on our first Valentines Day together. It seems like yesterday in a way, but at the same time its amazing how much has changed. If someone had asked me that day where I would be in 8 years I never would have guessed that I'd be married to you, graduated college, teaching, have 2 kids, you having your own business, and now me a full-time mom!
I love you so much, and I love the life we have built together. You and the kids are my whole world, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
When I walked into Power Cleaning for an interview I was just looking for a way to pay the bills; I had no idea I would find someone to spend my life with. I'm so glad I took that job! I found these papers in a box today and wanted to show you, as a reminder of the fun, easy times we used to share together. Things aren't as easy and fun right now with the kids, and its hard to remember those times. But I love you even more today.
So yes, Valentine's Day is just another day, but its also one more day of our life together, which makes it a pretty special day. Happy Valentine's Day!
I Love You, Tracy
With that letter I included two papers we had painted with watercolors 8 years earlier after babysitting my niece. Mine said "I Love You" and his said "Joe Loves Tracy (most)"
I doubt that most people realized that Joe had a side to him like that, but thats what I saw from him all the time. I always refered to him as "my knight in shining armor" and he truly was. I'm sure people would also be surprised to know that we were still that much in love after 9 years and two kids. But I wrote him that letter only 8 months before he died, and it shows how deeply we still loved each other. Looking back, I'm so glad I wrote that to him.....since it was our last Valentine's Day together. I could be wrong, but I think a lot of people live their whole lives not experiencing the kind of love we had. And as sad as I am that he's not here with me now, I consider myself blessed to have had him at all.