The following is an excerpt from a book I have, "The Death of a Husband":
Hug me.
Try to understand me.
Listen to me as you'd want to be listened to.
Meet me for lunch, coffee, dinner.
But stop with the stiffen-your-spine exhortations already.
They don't help. They do hurt.
Hold my hand.
Lend me a book.
Don't pity me.
Weep with me.
Share your grief with me, and I'll weep with you.
But don't pretend that if you ignore it, it will go away.
If it hurts to hear about it, think how it feels from the inside!
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